


A Fatal Affair

by AngelsFallFirst



Category: Tarja Turunen - Fandom, Within Temptation (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2018-11-15 04:12:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11223060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelsFallFirst/pseuds/AngelsFallFirst
Summary: Somewhere around 1850 -There's a war going on between the countries of the Turunens and den Adels for years already.Lady Sharon den Adel doesn't bear this war anymore and travels to Finland to set an end to it - if she only knew what a fatal thing would happen there.*Don't sue me for making up another history please :)





	1. Chapter 1

"You're crazy." Her husband was shaking his head. "You're crazy, Sharon."  
"That's why you love me, Robert," Sharon laughed.  
"You will die," Robert insisted, but Sharon shook her head and kissed him goodbye.  
This was the last time she kissed her husband with honesty. 

\---

The travel to Finland had been unproblematic, but as soon as she hit the shore and set her feet on the ground of the foreign country, she knew that there was trouble in await.  
Sharon smiled, she couldn't wait to fight again.  
She had been a knight already, a fighter since her childhood days, but everything had changed when her parents had set her up with Lord Robert Westerholt. She hadn't liked him at first, but after years of marriage she had learned to love him. He was a good man, didn't look after other women, he was a good dad, he loved their children more than anything, and he was a good lover too.  
Sharon couldn't think of anything that could make her happier - until she received a letter from her military leader.  
Lady den Adel. We need you here. Come as soon as possible. Van Breven.   
Sharon hadn't hesitated and packed her stuff. If van Breven needed her, she never hesitated.  
"I'll be back," she had promised before she had kissed her kids and husband goodbye.  
Now she was clad in armour, which was very unusual for a lady in their time and a lady with her status. But Sharon didn't care, with a lifted head she walked to the next farm and bought the best horse they had. She noticed that the farmer was afraid of her and smiled proudly - she had missed this might.  
"Soon your kingdom will fall and be ours," she said and the poor farmer paled.

She rode to the town where the king was living, Kitee was the name. Sharon wondered why the king would live in such a small town close to Russia, but told herself she would see the reason soon.  
It wasn't that soon though, the ride was longlasting and exhausting. Sharon almost froze to death for multiple times. What a cold country!  
Cold but beautiful. The nights were clear and the stars seemed to be closer to the earth as in the Netherlands.   
Sharon got one with the nature and soon she noticed that she had fallen in love with this amazing country.  
After weeks she finally reached her destination. Kitee seemed like a nice little village and Sharon quickly found the military base.  
Stephan van Breven, her ex-boss at the military, greeted her with a hug. She had been the only woman who had ever joined the military - the only woman and one of the best fighters.  
"I'm glad you're here," van Breven said. "I have a task that only you can fulfill."  
Sharon raised her eyebrows. Now she was really curious.  
"See, we've been beleaguering the house for years but the king's soldiers are strong. We lost many courageous fighters." Van Breven sighed. "And then we heard that the king needs a nanny for his granddaughter."  
Sharon stared at the man. "So you want me to play their nanny??"  
"Well I'd do it myself but they're looking for a wet nurse." Van Breven smiled.   
Sharon was shocked. "I'm not nursing anymore, Stephan. Logan is already three."  
"Sharon, please. That's our only chance. Do it for your country, hm?"  
Sharon stared at her former boss and then she sighed. "Fine. But why can't the mother herself nurse the girl?"  
"I don't know, Sharon. My informant wasn't that specific. Maybe she's dead, who knows?"  
Sharon groaned. "Do I need to learn Finnish?"

She didn't. Her English was good enough and she was told that so was the king's English. Now she was Sharon Nobel, niece of no one else than Alfred Nobel. This way they would immediately let her inside the royal house.  
And they did...  
King Teuvo was sceptical at first, said that the name Sharon was really rare, even for Sweden. Sharon claimed that she had been born in the United Kingdom.   
The prince seemed sceptical too. He was carrying the baby girl and stared at Sharon like she was a strange animal.  
Teuvo seemed to like Sharon though, he showed her around the royal house immediately.  
"This is Toni by the way. My youngest son," he suddenly said and waved at the man with the baby. "And that's Eerika, my daughter's daughter. The girl you will look after."  
Toni gave the baby girl to Sharon.   
"She's beautiful," Sharon said gently. "And her parents ...?"  
The faces of the royal people immediately darkened.  
"Her father died in the war against Holland," Toni said lowly. "And her mother - my sister - she's not able to look after her. When she heard about the death of her husband, she went crazy."  
"Toni," Teuvo cut his son off and sighed. "Something inside of her died too when she heard about his death. She's already in treatment but there are no signs of a recovery. She's deeply depressed. She doesn't want to eat, she doesn't talk, she doesn't want to go out."  
"That's horrible," Sharon said. She noticed that she really meant it, motherhood had softened her a lot. Years ago she would have been happy to hear that one of her nemesis was suffering but now she felt sorrow for that woman. Her husband had died and she had a little baby she couldn't feed! Of course she had to stay.  
Sharon got tablets and a tea which should help with producing milk. Only a day later she noticed that they worked. At first it was strange to nurse a foreign baby, but then she decided that she didn't care. She did it for the baby after all, since the mother wasn't capable to do it. She was glad that her husband couldn't see her right now - clad in the uniform of a Finnish maid, nursing the baby of the king's daughter. She was curious when van Breven would want to storm the house.

One day the king's older son and his wife visited. After the handsome man had visited his sister in her room, he said something to his father.  
"What?" Teuvo mumbled and looked at Sharon. "Tarja wants to see her daughter," he said and Sharon nodded. Finally she would meet this mysterious Tarja.   
She lifted Eerika out of her crib and walked over to the room she had never went inside yet.  
She knocked carefully.  
A weak "Come in" sounded from the inside, so she opened the door, walking inside.  
"Eerika ..." the woman in the bed breathed. "Come here ... give her to me ..."  
Sharon stepped closer, her eyes fixed on the woman. She was thin and pale. Her hair was dark, her face had an angular shape and her eyes were green. But very empty. She looked lost and very weak. Sharon guessed that she had been beautiful once but now she looked ill. Very ill.  
Sharon gave the baby to her mother.  
"Eerika..." Tarja whispered and buried her nose in the baby's dress. The baby girl started making noises and Tarja started rocking her in her arms.  
Sharon smiled and finally Tarja looked at her. And said something Finnish.   
"Pardon?" Sharon asked politely. Hell, she was the princess!   
"Right... you're not from here. How did you understand my come in?"  
"I've learned some things already," Sharon said. "You asked me something?"  
"What's your name?" Tarja repeated in English.  
"Sharon, milady," Sharon replied. "Sharon Nobel."  
"Are you related to Alfred Nobel?" Tarja asked quietly and Sharon smiled.  
"Indeed, milady. I'm his niece."  
Tarja looked down at her daughter. "You can call me Tarja. I don't feel like a princess anymore. I don't want to become queen without him ..."  
"I'm so sorry," Sharon said quietly and Tarja stared at the ceiling.   
"Those Dutch people ... I hate them so much. They shot him, they deserved to be shot as well. All of them."  
Sharon straightened her back. "Yes," she said stiffly. She understood Tarja's anger but she also didn't want to deny her nationality.  
"My Eerika..." Tarja whispered and kissed the baby's forehead. "You're everything that's still left of him. Oh, why must you look like him?"  
Suddenly the tears were floating out of her eyes. "Take her... take her back!"   
And Sharon took the baby back, just a second before Tarja started to cry bitterly. Her body cramped and she let out a long and high pitched noise. Sharon quickly left the room - that woman was dangerous in her opinion. Not for her or her family but for Eerika and Tarja herself.

She didn't enter the room for days after that incident. She only watched the maid bringing the food to Tarja - and she always took tablets along. Sometimes three. Sometimes only two. Sometimes even five.  
Sharon looked for the packs and shook her head - various sedatives. Stronger ones, lighter ones. Tablets for anxiety and depression. No wonder that woman was crazy, no wonder she had sudden attacks.  
Sharon heard her scream again. She heard a crash and then the maid ran out of her room. She went for the sedatives and took one.  
"No!" Sharon shouted but the maid ignored her. She stormed back to Tarja, stuffed it into her mouth and forced her to swallow.  
"She's taking way too many sedatives!" Sharon said. "Believe me. My father is a pharmacist."  
But the maid didn't understand her. Or did she just pretend not to understand?

While Tarja was sleeping, Sharon went into her room. She placed the baby in the crib and sat down on the edge of the bed, looking at the ill woman.   
She had lost her husband, of course she was grieving. But instead of listening to her and trying to calm her with words, they fed her with medicine.  
"Sharon?" Tarja mumbled as she slowly woke up. "What - is Eerika alright?"  
"Eerika is fine, I put her into the crib," Sharon smiled and Tarja looked at the baby bed. She smiled. "I wanted to visit you."  
"Me? Why?"  
"I saw what that maid did to you yesterday."  
"Yesterday? Oh, you mean the tablets?"  
Sharon nodded.  
"That's okay, Sharon. I know I need to take my medicine and when I'm in rage, I tend to shove everyone and everything away. Really, it's fine. Suvi just did what the doctor told her to do when I'm having an attack."  
"Yeah, you see - I kind of grew up with stuff like that. My father is a pharmacist and I practically lived in the pharmacy. I saw many things and ... you know, one day a woman entered. She was crying, grieving, she had just lost her beloved husband. She wanted to buy sedatives but instead of selling them to her, my father took her in his arms and calmed her." Sharon put her arm around Tarja. "I know you Finns are not really fine with touching but you will survive. So my father allowed the woman to cry. She cried for an hour, told us about her late husband, while everyone came to her and hugged her. It was a very moving day for all of us. So ... feel free to cry." Sharon smiled at the other woman.  
"I don't feel like crying now," Tarja replied though. "I'm just done. I need to sleep."  
"How about going outside a bit?" Sharon suggested. "It's a beautiful day."  
"Nah," Tarja mumbled and lay back again. "You can stay if you want to. But be quiet."  
Sharon saw her job as done for today, lifted Eerika out of the crib again and left the room.

But she didn't give up.  
The next day she entered again, carrying the tray with Tarja's food.  
"Hei hei," she said gently. "I asked Suvi if I could bring your food."  
Tarja's eyes were emotionless.  
"Why?"  
"Because I won't give you tablets. Only comfort." Sharon placed the tray on Tarja's thighs. "Shall I feed you?" she chuckled.  
Tarja smiled weakly. "No. It's okay. How's my daughter?"  
"Perfectly fine and beautiful." The Dutch woman smiled at the Finnish woman, and finally Tarja smiled back.  
Without them noticing, a deep friendship between the two women started.


	2. Chapter 2

"So, what's their weakness?" van Breven asked eagerly.  
"Well, definitely the princess," Sharon whispered. If someone saw her, she was dead. "She has depressions and anxiety attacks."  
"So what - shall we kidnap her?"  
"I'm trying to be her friend, maybe she will trust me sooner or later," Sharon said. "Then I'll bring her outside and we can arrest her. But she's really fragile, so don't hurt her."  
"Ey, Sharon, did you get soft? I think that's the fact you're nursing."  
"Probably," Sharon lied. She knew it was because she liked Tarja, she liked her as a friend and if they would kidnap her, she would pay attention that no one would hurt her.  
"So, something else? Does the king have a special weakness?"  
"Only his daughter," Sharon said slowly. She thought hard of it, but really - the king didn't really talk about anything else than his precious daughter. "He's worried about her, and so are her brothers."  
"And the baby?"  
"What about the baby?" Sharon asked challenging. He didn't suggest to kidnap the baby, did he?  
"Go on like that. Befriend her. We lost another soldier ..." Van Breven massaged his temples. "Good girl, Sharon. Good girl."  
Sharon turned around and walked back to the big house. Girl. She was not a girl anymore but van Breven probably never stopped seeing her as his cute, little protégé. 

"Where exactly do you come from?" Tarja asked while she chewed.  
"Me - mh - I was born and raised in Uppsala." Sharon avoided Tarja's eyes.  
"Nice," Tarja said gently. "And when did you come to Finland?"  
"Only weeks ago, Tarja. I heard that you needed a nanny and packed my stuff. I have two children myself so I felt like made for the job."  
Tarja looked at her. "You have children? How old are they?"  
"Eva is seven now and Robin is three."  
"Why did you leave them alone?" Tarja asked, sadness written in her face.  
"They aren't alone, Tarja," Sharon said gently. "My husband is with them."  
"You're married? You left your husband back?" All of a sudden she had tears in her eyes.  
"Robert will do that. He's a honourable man and a great father."  
"But - don't you miss him?" Tarja whispered and Sharon thought of it.  
"Not really," she then sighed. "I don't... I don't love him from the bottom of my heart."  
"You don't? You couldn't marry out of love?"  
"No," Sharon said. "My father and his father signed a contract when Robert and I were only two years old. I've known him for a lifetime and it was like I was marrying my brother. But a brother I didn't really like." Sharon laughed. "He always made fun of me in school and he got a huge shock when his father told him that I was his fiancée. We married at the age of 16. Wasn't really funny but now I love him. He needed to become adult first. And our children are precious."  
Tarja smiled gently and pulled her hand away when Sharon took it.   
"Don't you like holding hands either?" Sharon chuckled and Tarja shook her head. "Did you marry out of love?" Sharon asked on.  
Tarja stared at her hands and nodded. "We ... we also met at school. He was so sweet and shy ... he was never a fighter. He was a poet... he wrote music." Tarja sniffed. "One day he wrote me a love letter. My friends laughed at it but I fell in love with the words. I still have it in one of my books. It's Finnish, sadly ..."  
"You don't need to show me, go on," Sharon said gently. Tarja finally opened herself to her!  
"I ... I went to him and said that I liked him. He was shocked, he started to get red and stutter. He wasn't even able to talk properly. I only understood that he found it inappropriate of himself to talk to the princess. I then told him that I was totally inappropriate myself and kissed him ... I will never forget his face." Tarja smiled gently. "We met outside school everyday. We kissed more and more until he told me that he loved me more than anything. And I told him that I loved him too. He was afraid that my father didn't allow our relationship, but he did. He didn't even care about the fact that Tuomas wasn't wealthy. He loves me, daddy loves me and wants my happiness ... and now I'm here ..." Tarja sobbed quietly and this time Sharon took her in her arms without hesitating.   
"When did you marry?" she asked.  
"A few weeks before he had to leave," Tarja sobbed. "He never wanted to leave. He hated the war! He knew he would die ... and he never found out that he was a father ..."  
Sharon was shocked. They got married before he left and Tarja gave birth to their baby after he died. What a tragic story.  
"I'm so sorry," Sharon said gently. She felt really bad. Her own soldiers had done that to her, had caused the sadness of this innocent, young woman.  
"It's not your fault," Tarja sniffed. "It's just -" she tried to laugh but failed, "he was my only reason to be happy ... he was ... with him it was perfect. When I got pregnant I prayed that he'd come back ... and he did. But they carried him. They carried him back to Kitee... they brought him to me ..."  
"That's - that's horrible! No wonder you have a trauma!"  
"They needed to, Sharon. He wasn't simply anyone, he was one of the princes. The princess' husband ... he's resting at the royal graveyard."  
"Do you sometimes visit his grave?" Sharon asked.  
"Are you crazy? Of course not." Tarja shook her head.  
"I think you should," Sharon said. "Do you sometimes visit your mother's grave?"  
"No," Tarja said. "I ... I can't. It just hurts."  
"So you didn't even say goodbye to them. Maybe that's why it hurts so much." Sharon held out her hand again. "Let's go there."  
Tarja shook her head. "I can't."  
"You need fresh air, Tarja."  
Tarja sighed. "Okay."  
But she didn't take Sharon's hand.

"Why did your mother die?" Sharon asked as they stood in front of the late queen's grave.  
"She was ill. Very ill. But she died slowly, we all knew it would eventually happen. Not like Tuomas..." she walked over to the tomb and touched the stone. "Tuomas ..." she whispered and stroke over the name.  
"He was too young," Sharon said quietly. He had only been twenty-four. So Tarja was twenty-four too? She looked older, especially now that she looked quite ill.  
"Yes he was. It hurts me terribly that Eerika can never meet her father."  
"Of course that's horrible," Sharon said. She imagined what would be if she had to raise Eva and Robin without Robert. "Don't you think you will fall in love again?"  
"Never," Tarja said quietly, her eyes fixed on the tomb stone. "I will never fall in love again. Not with anyone else than Tuomas. He was my life."  
Again Sharon smiled. "And now Eerika is your life. Sure it won't be that easy for her, knowing that she never knew her father. But it would be even harder for her knowing that her mother spent her baby days grieving inside of her bed and taking medicine she doesn't need."  
"You're quite smart for your age," Tarja said quietly. "You're not that old yet."  
"But I've seen a lot already," Sharon replied and then grinned. "So, how old am I?"  
"I don't know ... 33?"  
"Pretty close. I'm 35," Sharon said.  
"You look younger, actually," Tarja said shyly and Sharon blushed. How could she betray this precious woman to her military? How could she drag her over and let them arrest her? She was too innocent. She wouldn't help them anyway, she wasn't involved in the war.  
No.  
Sharon decided that she'd find another way to make the kingdom fall. Without hurting her ...  
"What's wrong?"  
Tarja looked at her.  
"Hm? Oh, nothing. Nothing ... I just ... had to think of something."  
"Your family?" Tarja asked and stepped closer.   
"Yes," Sharon lied and Tarja smiled.  
"Let's walk back," she suggested and offered her hand.  
Sharon took it, surprised that Tarja was the one who offered it. Hand in hand they walked back.  
"Tell me about them," Tarja pleaded. "Do you write letters to them?"  
"Letters," Sharon said in surprise. If she wrote letters to the Netherlands, the post office would immediately report her and she'd get arrested. "No, I haven't written them yet."  
"Then write them. I'm sure your husband is worried about you. And your kids, oh, they must miss you. I would miss you."  
Sharon smiled. "He certainly is worried about me." And she smiled broader. "Would you miss me if I left?"  
Tarja seemed shocked. "Of course!"  
"Why?"  
Tarja looked at Sharon as if she was asking a ridiculously stupid question.   
"Because ... you're a friend to me. You were the first one of them who actually knew how to help me... you're just so honest and helpful. And you're looking after my daughter. I would miss you very much."  
Sharon's heart made a little jump but then she thought of what the Finnish woman had said. That she was honest.  
Honest.  
Sharon was everything else but honest.  
"You're so quiet, is everything okay?" Tarja asked gently.  
"Yes. Of course." Sharon smiled at the smaller woman. "I'm just very honoured that you're still holding my hand."  
Tarja laughed. "It's not that we don't like body contact at all ... only with the people we like."  
Sharon blushed again. Tarja liked her. And she was lying to her all the time.

The days passed and Tarja became more and more outgoing. Soon she and Sharon were inseparable. Teuvo even took the Dutch woman aside and thanked her for bringing back his daughter.  
Sharon felt important.  
Slowly she forgot about her duty to betray the royal family. She and van Breven wanted to meet every Monday at seven in the evening, but one Monday evening Sharon simply forgot. She forgot because she was spending time sitting on Tarja's bed and talking to the other woman.  
Tarja was holding her sleeping daughter, smiling down at her gently. "She looks like Tuomas..."   
"She does?" Sharon asked. "I think she looks like you. Besides the nose."  
"That's Tuomas' nose," Tarja sighed. "But if you had known Tuomas, you would say the same."  
"Do you have a picture of him?" Sharon asked and Tarja nodded. "Somewhere in my books. I'll look for one later."  
Sharon looked at Eerika again. "I think she looks like you. Look at this face form..."  
Tarja said nothing at first. A question was burning on her tongue ...  
"Have you always been a wet nurse?" she then asked shyly.  
Sharon laughed. "No, I've had several professions already."  
Tarja's eyes grew wide. "Really? I didn't know this was possible in Sweden."  
"Only in cities," Sharon replied. "See, a year after I married Robert I joined the army."  
"What?" Tarja called. "Robert allowed you to?"  
"Of course he did. I've always been a strong and independent woman, so he had to. I was in the army for seven years, then I returned. And then it lasted five more years until I got pregnant. Five! My parents were already desperate."  
"And you worked in the pharmacy too?" Tarja asked on.  
"Oh yes, from the age of eleven to the age of fifteen I only helped. After the army I actually started working there. And in the evenings I gave concerts."  
"Concerts?" Tarja asked surprised.  
"Yes ... I'm a pharmacist ... and a singer too." Sharon laughed uncomfortably.   
"So am I," Tarja chuckled. "My God, we're just the same."  
"You're a singer? But Tarja, you're the princess. You don't have to work!"  
"That's true. But I wanted." Tarja rocked her baby gently. "Besides that, I loved to sing. And Tuomas always encouraged me to make something out of it. So I did. But ever since his death I haven't sung anything..."  
Sharon reached forward and touched Tarja's shoulder. "Take your time. The lust to sing will come back. And then we can sing together."  
Tarja smiled and nodded in agreement.


	3. Chapter 3

Soon Tarja couldn't imagine a life without Sharon anymore. And the other way round. They were best friends, they had loads of fun and they got along great. Sharon's Finnish got better and better, sometimes the women would sit outside in the garden and study, while Eerika was in the wooden crib next to them.  
Slowly it was getting warmer and Tarja already got a light sunburn from the weak April sun. Sharon laughed for minutes while she applied some aloe vera to the reddened skin of Tarja's shoulders.  
"I'm glad I have you," Tarja insisted. "I already feel much better. Why don't you stay as our personal doctor?"  
"Because I'm not a doctor," said Sharon with a gentle smile.  
"But you could start working at the pharmacy here," Tarja said. "Then you could write your husband and ask him to take your children and move here. I'd be so happy!"  
Sharon smiled sadly. "I'd be happy too. I think I've never had a friend like you ..."  
"Yeah ... you're like the older sister I never had." Tarja and Sharon looked at each other for a while, without an expression in their faces, until Tarja spoke up again. "Sometimes I think of it as a dream. First my husband dies, then I give birth to a baby and suddenly an angel enters my life..."  
"Sounds like a dream indeed," Sharon commented and stroke over the grass. "I'm not an angel though."  
"I think you are. Tuomas believed in angels, you know?" Tarja's eyes followed the older woman's moves. Why did she find it fascinating? She was only stroking the grass ...  
"He did? Really?" Sharon seemed absent.  
"Yes. I never did but he always tried to convince me. He claimed to see angels every now and then. I think he sent you to me. He knew you would make me happy."  
Sharon laughed mildly. "So Tuomas sent me to you? Why didn't he come himself?"  
"I don't know ... Maybe because he knew that I wouldn't be happy if he came back as an angel. If he was here now, and I knew he was dead ..." a tear escaped he eye.  
"I'm not dead though," Sharon said and took Tarja's hand. "Look ... you can feel me."   
"Can I feel your heartbeat?" Tarja asked with pink cheeks.  
"You think angels have no heartbeats?" Sharon laughed but moved closer. "But sure, go ahead. If it will convince you..."  
Tarja's hand was shaking. She didn't know why but as she lifted it up, she noticed that she was shaking. She placed her hand over Sharon's left breast. There was an undeniable heartbeat.  
Sharon on the other side noticed how her heartbeat got faster. Her heart was racing all of a sudden. And as Tarja looked down at her body, undeniably stopping at her breasts with a light smile, she thought she'd get a heart attack.  
"Your bosom is quite big. No wonder that my father chose you as wet nurse."  
Only a second later, Tarja wanted to slap herself. Had she just really said that??   
"Thanks?" Sharon replied and Tarja's eyes shot up again, meeting hers. The women burst into laughter.   
"Give me a little bit of your bust size," Tarja laughed and Sharon backed away playfully.  
"Never! This is my bust!"  
Tarja threw her head back, laughing cheerfully once again. This was the first time after Tuomas' death she actually laughed. It was so easy to laugh along with Sharon.   
"You know, actually I sometimes want to have smaller ones. They're so heavy!"  
"Especially now that you're nursing, right?" Tarja countered. "My breasts were so big during the pregnancy and now... small as always. Bah."  
Sharon smiled. Could she tell her that she found her bust size perfect? No, that would be too strange.  
But she did, Tarja had a perfect body. She was quite small and thin, bigger breasts would look stupid on her. And the corset pushed them up a lot actually; Sharon suddenly wondered how she looked beneath that corset...  
She quickly looked away.   
Tarja had noticed her stare but she didn't mind. But she wanted to know what she was thinking ...  
"So - shall we go on with the lesson?" Sharon asked. She took a bunch of grass and plucked it.  
"Yeah. Right. Translate this to Finnish: My name is Sharon."  
"Minun nimeni on Sharon. We've had that, I can say that."  
"Perfect. I am 35 years old."  
"Uhm... That's unfair! The numbers are so hard!" Sharon laughed. "Okay. Minä olen ... kolme-kymmentä-viisi? Vuotta."  
"Perfect!" Tarja shouted and gently added, "Sinä olet niin söpö ..."  
"What?" Sharon asked but Tarja smiled lightly. "Nothing. Let's repeat the numbers again. Count to fifty for me."  
"Oh God," Sharon groaned before she started counting.  
But instead of paying attention to her words, Tarja paid attention to her lips. The way they moved... the form, the colour ...  
What was wrong with her?

The women returned an hour later. Sharon had a bad conscience about van Breven, since it was Monday again, but as usual she ignored that feeling. She couldn't tell him anything new anyway. Only that she ... kind of fell for the smaller woman?  
"Not that way..." Sharon tried to convince herself but she knew that there was no chance to deny it. "Precious Tarja..." she whispered and kissed Eerika's head before placing her in the crib.  
Soon they wouldn't need her anymore and then she would have to leave. Leave her wonderful friend, leave this amazing country, ...   
Had she really started to learn this hard language to leave the country again? No. Sharon would stay.  
But what about Robert, Eva and Robin?  
And van Breven? Hadn't she promised him and the army to storm the house? Kidnap Tarja, arrest her and bribe the king?  
Sharon loved the royal family but she also loved her own family.  
The devil and the angel on Sharon's shoulders were having a big fight.

The next morning she immediately went to the fence where her and van Breven always met.   
"Stephan!" she whispered. "Stephan, are you there? Or anyone else?"  
But no one saw or heard her. The tents were too far away and if she left the garden, the guards of the royal family would catch her.  
So she walked back to the house.

"Sharon!" Tarja called as she saw the Dutch woman walk inside the house. She had been sitting next to the entry. "Where have you been?"  
"I've only been gone for fifteen minutes," Sharon said in surprise. Tarja looked upset. "I was taking a walk."  
"Why didn't you ask me to join? It's dangerous out there alone. What if the Dutch soldiers saw you and shot you?"  
"I wasn't close to the fence," Sharon lied. "Sorry, Tarja. It won't happen again."  
"Good. Next time you want to take a walk, I'll join you."  
Sharon nodded and suddenly Tarja gave her a hug. "If I lose you too ..." she mumbled and Sharon hugged her back, still surprised.   
Tarja was hugging her? Hadn't she said that Finns only shared body contact with people they liked?

Eerika soon learned how to sit and roll around by herself. She spent hours with rolling from her stomach to her back and on her stomach again and usually laughed loudly while doing it.  
She was such a happy girl but Sharon noticed that Tarja watched her with pain in the eyes.  
"Why are you looking at her like that? She's so precious."  
"Yes but she looks like Tuomas," Tarja said again and stood up to walk to her bookshelf. Sharon watched her taking out a Finnish book and opening it in the middle. For a few seconds she stared at the picture between the pages, then she took it out and gave it to Sharon.   
Tuomas had been a handsome dark haired man with a beard. His hair had been long and quite fluffy. He was smiling at her. Even though it was a black and white picture, his eyes looked light and warm.  
"Wow, he was really handsome," Sharon said quietly. "And you were right, him and Eerika have some similarities."  
"Yes. That's why looking at her hurts. But I guess it would have been worse if she was a boy and really looked like him."  
"True," Sharon replied and returned the picture.  
"So what are we going to do today? Take a walk?" Tarja didn't directly look at the other woman.  
"Yes, I'd like that," Sharon said.  
"Let's put Eerika to bed first. I want to be alone. We need to have a peaceful talk."  
"Oh ... okay?" Sharon's heart was racing. 

They successfully put the baby to bed and told the maid to call them if she woke up. Then they took their blanket, the Finnish book they used for studying and went outside.

Sharon was lying on her back, staring up into the cloudy sky.  
She was counting until hundred this time, she was getting better and better.  
Tarja sat next to her, listening to her and looking at her.  
Despite the clouds it was a beautiful day, the sun was hiding but it was warm anyway.  
Tarja enjoyed those times, they kind of reminded her of the times when she and Tuomas had met to study English.   
Tuomas had been so good in English. So very good. Tarja hadn't been good in English, but she knew that she had to be. She was a princess, what if she had to represent her country one day? It wasn't her plan but one could never know.   
"Sata! Done!" Sharon laughed and sat up. "How many mistakes?"  
"Uhm - only three. Seventy-six, fifty-nine and forty-two. You're getting better. Oh and your accent is too cute to be real."  
Sharon grinned. "Cute?"  
"Totally. Sometimes your pronunciation is very wrong but too cute so I just don't correct you because I want to hear it more often."  
Sharon was shocked. "You're supposed to help me!"  
"Oh come on, let me have some fun," Tarja laughed. Sharon looked displeased.   
"I want to learn the language and she just doesn't correct me when I'm wrong. Oh herranjumala."  
Tarja laughed even more. "Perfect! Perfect! That's one of the words - ah!" She screamed as Sharon threatened to hit her head with the Finnish book. "Don't! I beg you!"  
"Apologise!" Sharon called but Tarja shook her head.  
"Never! It's too cute when you're swearing."  
"Oh I can say even worse swear words," Sharon threatened and Tarja's eyes went wide. "Say some Swedish swear words!"  
Sharon paled slightly. "Uhm ... eh ..."  
"Or write them down later, I wanna know how they're written. It's a funny language, yea?"  
"Yes," Sharon only answered. What had she done? She shouldn't even have come. She felt so bad about lying to her, so so so bad. She liked her, she liked her as lot. Lying to her hurt herself.  
"Sharon?"  
Sharon looked at Tarja. "What's wrong, Tarja?"  
"Will you go back soon?"  
"Yes," Sharon said gently and her heart ached as she noticed the hurt expression in the Finn's eyes.  
"Can you... can you take me with you? I've never seen anything else besides Kitee. I wanna go to Uppsala. And to Stockholm."  
"Tari - I'm afraid I can't take you with me."  
"Why not?" Tarja asked quietly. "Don't you want to be with me?"  
"I want to be with you all the time, spending time with you is wonderful ... but... you belong here. You're the princess."  
"Pf, well, my father won't mind if I left. He allows me everything I want to do. And if he sees that you're with me, he'd be even happier. He likes you a lot. And so do I."  
Her green eyes were big and pleading. Sharon's heart ached. If she said yes, she had to tell her the truth sooner or later. She had to say no.  
Sharon opened her mouth and suddenly her heart betrayed her.  
"Yes. Okay."  
"Oh thank you!" Tarja squealed and threw her arms around the Dutch. They hugged for a minute, Sharon cursed her own feelings. Why hadn't she been able to say no?!  
She smiled as she felt Tarja's hands slowly roaming up and down her backside. And suddenly they were in her neck, playing with her hair.  
"Tarja?" Sharon mumbled and pulled away.  
Tarja's eyes were closed and her lips were slightly parted. Sharon's heart was racing - was she hinting something?  
Without thinking again, she leaned in and laid her lips on the other woman's.


	4. Chapter 4

Both their hearts were beating fast.  
Now Sharon's hand also snuck itself into Tarja's neck while she opened her mouth. Slowly, Tarja weighed her head to her right side and parted her lips as well.  
Sharon felt a blush rise to her cheeks but she didn't pull back, instead of it she ran her tongue along the bottom lip of the Finn.  
'Wow.'  
Tarja's hand travelled away from Sharon's neck, stroke over her cheek and throat. She placed it on her shoulder. The other hand found a way to the Dutch woman's waist.  
Sharon felt a soft pressure on her waist and put her hand over the Finn's small one. She entwined their fingers and carefully inserted her tongue into the younger woman's mouth.   
Tarja let out a little gasp but that was everything.   
She crawled closer, made their upper bodies touch. Then she got on her knees, continuing to kiss Sharon from above.  
And then she pulled away.  
Sharon reached for Tarja, whose lips were suddenly gone.  
"Tarja..." she mumbled and opened her eyes.   
Tarja sat at the same spot she had before. She was staring at her.  
"What was that?" she asked quietly.  
"Uhm -" Sharon started and Tarja stood up.  
"It didn't happen. Okay?" she demanded and Sharon nodded. "It never happened," Tarja said again, sounding a little mean all of a sudden. Sharon felt hurt.   
"What never happened?" she asked snotty and for a second she thought that Tarja looked hurt too. But then the Finn turned around.  
"Exactly," she said and walked back.  
Sharon, left behind, collected the books and folded the blanket. A small sob escaped her but she swallowed it. And walked back to the royal house. 

The air between the two women was thick but no one else noticed. Sharon thought that Toni threw a look at them every now and then but every time she looked back, he looked away again.  
After bringing Eerika to bed, Sharon sat down on her bed. She tried reading Finnish books lately but some things were still too hard to understand. For a moment she thought of standing up and asking Tarja for help but she didn't. She had decided to wait for Tarja to make the first step.

And without Sharon knowing, Tarja did.  
Two nights later she knocked at the door of the Dutch woman.  
Sharon was fast asleep so she didn't hear the knock, but Tarja entered anyway.  
"Sharon? I can't sleep ... we need to talk, really."  
Sharon didn't answer and Tarja tapped inside. Standing next to the bed of the older woman, the princess looked down at her, her heart swelling. It was a strange feeling. A feeling she could clearly identify as love. The only time she had felt like this before was when Tuomas had still been alive.  
"Sleep well", she whispered, bent down and kissed her forehead.

The next day Sharon was surprised that Tarja actually smiled at her during breakfast.  
And after breakfast, she approached her. "You've been reading the Kalevala again?"  
"Yes, it's great!" Sharon said and blushed. "I didn't understand everything though."  
"Of course you didn't. Did you write the words down as I told you?"  
"Yes, ma'am," Sharon answered and Tarja smiled.  
"Let's meet later and translate them?"  
Sharon nodded with a beam.

Their plan was rained off. Literally. It rained and rained and wouldn't stop, so they spend the whole day inside, reading stories to each other. Tarja loved listening to Sharon's gentle voice and her curses when there was a long Finnish word she couldn't say out loud.  
Sharon cursed Dutch things, Tarja didn't speak Swedish so she doubted that she could tell a difference between the two languages. But as Tarja started repeating those Dutch curses and actually using them, Sharon decided to stop. Someone would for sure find out that the curses weren't Swedish but Dutch and then Sharon would have to explain.  
But one thing Tarja always said now, like when she stung herself with a needle (which happened a lot) she cursed "verdomme!" And Sharon prayed that no one knew that word.  
So that rainy day they stayed inside. They stayed up long, talking to each other about everything. Sharon told the other women about her children and her double job as a pharmacy assistant and singer. And how she managed doing this and raise kids. And how her time in the army was, how she got to be the only woman there.  
"First they didn't want to take me in but I have good methods. My father is an influential person." Lord even, Lord Gustaaf den Adel from South Holland.  
"Wow... did you shoot people?"  
"I never used a gun, Tarja. I used a sword."  
"Wow..." Tarja stared out of the window. "Everytime Tuomas came home he would cry ... he would tell me that he wasn't a warrior and that he hated war. But he had to leave again. He always came back until ..." she shivered and Tarja placed her hand on the other woman's shoulder.  
"When did it happen?" she asked gently.  
"Soon before Christmas," Tarja whispered. "I gave birth to Eerika on December 25th. Which has been Tuomas' birthday too."  
"I'm so sorry." Sharon felt bad.  
"I will never stop asking myself why. Why him? He was a good man. Why?"  
"Life is so unfair," Sharon commented. "You can always ask yourself why but you'll never get an answer. I'm so sorry."  
Tarja looked into those warm, brown eyes. "I'm will so glad you're here."  
Sharon smiled. Her heart was pumping fast. Tarja's eyes were so soft, so beautifully green. And now her face slowly came closer.  
"I'm glad too," Sharon mumbled and closed her eyes as Tarja's soft lips met hers - but suddenly a scream tore them apart and Sharon stood up to pick the crying baby out of the crib.  
"Shh... your mommy is here," Sharon said and Tarja smiled.  
Which one of them did she mean?  
She watched Sharon carry the baby around and Eerika seemed to enjoy it. Tarja felt a little sting; what if Eerika felt closer to Sharon than to her? She could understand it, but it still hurt. If it was like that, it would hurt her.  
"Can I hold her?" she asked and Sharon smiled.  
"Sure, she's your daughter!"  
But as Sharon gave the baby girl to her real mother, she started protesting. And once Tarja held her on her arms, Eerika was screaming and reaching out for Sharon.   
With tears in her eyes Tarja gave the baby back to the Dutch woman.   
"First I lost my husband, now I'm losing my daughter," she muttered, stood up from the bed, leaving her own room.  
She was breathing heavily as she pressed herself against the wall.  
Sharon and her had almost kissed again. Almost!

Tarja and her had almost kissed again.  
Sharon was deeply in thoughts while Eerika was drinking from her breast greedily.  
What she felt for the other woman was definitely more than friendship. Tarja was sweet, kind, beautiful ... hot ...  
Sharon shook her head. She knew that she wasn't allowed to think of her like that. But she couldn't stop it.

Sharon didn't see Tarja for the rest of the day.  
Probably she had gone outside to think a little. Sharon couldn't be mad at her after how her own daughter had reacted to her.  
It reminded her a lot of her own situation, when Eva had been one, Sharon had started to work at the pharmacy again. She had been gone all day and Eva had started to like the nanny more than her mother. Tarja only had to spend more time with Eerika and then the girl would eventually like her too.   
Sharon put the Kalevala aside (she hadn't been able to concentrate to and understand the last pages anyway), checked if the baby was fast asleep (she was, she sighed in her sleep happily) and got outside, determined to talk to Tarja.  
But as she got outside, she noticed that Tarja must have had the same idea - Sharon almost got a heart attack as the smaller woman suddenly stood in front of her.  
"Tarja!" Sharon gasped. "You startled me."  
"Sorry," Tarja apologised. "Sharon, we need to talk about what happened."  
"I thought nothing had happened?" Sharon asked challenging and Tarja blushed.  
"That's not true, you know that we kissed," she whispered.   
"Of course I know," Sharon whispered back and pulled the Finn into her room. Towards her bed.  
She sat down and pulled Tarja with her, on top of her as she lay down.  
"This is so strange," Tarja mumbled while she let her lips travel along Sharon's jawline.   
"Really strange," the other woman agreed. "But also nice."  
"Very nice ..." Tarja closed her eyes and bent her head back as Sharon's lips touched her throat.  
"Is this okay?" she whispered as Tarja let out a little moan.  
"Yes... yes ..." Tarja replied quietly and gasped as Sharon grabbed her and turned their positions on the bed. Now the older woman was on top and nipped the younger one's throat, travelled her lips up... closer to her strong jaw. Sharon was clueless how someone could be that beautiful. She kissed the little dimple of the Finn's beautiful chin, kissed her lower lip, sucked carefully.  
Tarja parted her lips, signalling the other woman that it was okay.  
As they already had done before, they let their lips caress the others. This time it was Tarja who deepened the kiss, who slowly inserted her tongue into Sharon's mouth.   
And this time it was Sharon who broke the kiss. Slowly she pulled away.  
"We shouldn't do this..."  
"Yeah," Tarja agreed and pulled Sharon back to her, but Sharon shook her head.  
"I'm married."  
"So am I."  
"It's different," Sharon insisted. "My husband is still alive."  
For a moment it was quiet, then Tarja pushed Sharon away.  
"So what if I want a little happiness in my life??" she sobbed. "I know that my husband is dead, sorry that I want to forget about that fact for a while!"  
"Then why don't you look for a new man?" Sharon asked gently and reached out to take Tarja's hand, but Tarja pulled it away.  
"I can't, Sharon. I will never love another man."  
"So that's why you kissed me? Because I'm not a man?"  
"You kissed me first," pouted Tarja.   
"Because I felt chemistry," Sharon said quietly. "But I think I was wrong."  
"Chemistry?" Tarja whispered and bit her lip.  
Sharon had felt it too?  
"Forget it, Tarja. I was wrong."  
None of them said a word for a while. They avoided each others looks until Tarja sighed.  
"I think there was a little chemistry."  
"Oh."  
Tarja raised her head, looking deeply into the chocolate brown eyes.  
"Should we try to find out?"  
"I don't know how," was Sharon's answer.   
"Can I sleep here tonight?"  
Sharon swallowed. "Sure."  
Tarja smiled and turned around. "Could you open my corset?"  
Sharon nodded, her mouth going dry. It wasn't dark outside, the light was shining directly on the bed. Tarja crawled closer and Sharon pulled at the ribbons.  
Once her corset had fallen, Sharon pitied the fact that she was already wearing her nightgown. But Tarja didn't seem to mind, she turned to the side to make Sharon spoon the small Finn.  
Sharon buried her nose in Tarja's neck. She was very aroused all of a sudden.   
"You smell good ..."  
Tarja giggled and took Sharon's hand, which she had wrapped around the slim body, slowly guiding it up.   
Sharon inhaled as she touched the soft skin of the younger woman's breasts.   
"Do you like that?" Tarja asked shyly.  
Sharon thought. She had never touched other breasts than her own before. But yes, she definitely liked the feeling. Tarja's bosom wasn't huge, they had already talked about that fact, but the size was definitely perfect. Sharon could cover her breast with her whole hand.  
"Yes," she breathed. "I like that a lot ..."  
Tarja smiled and took her hand again.  
"Good night."  
Sharon kissed the Finn's neck. "Hyvää yötä, Tarja."


	5. Chapter 5

Sharon was already awake when Tarja woke up.  
While the young Finn wondered where she was, Sharon was already nursing the baby.  
"Good morning," she said with a smile as she noticed that Tarja was moving.  
And then she turned around. "Morning," she mumbled and tried to hide her naked upper body with a blush. Sharon smiled.  
"You are gorgeous," she said gently and pulled Eerika away. The girl had almost fallen asleep again while drinking, now she was cooing at Sharon.  
"Wanna say hi to your mommy?" Sharon whispered and handed the baby girl to Tarja, who was protesting.  
"Sharon, no, she doesn't like me..."  
"Of course she does. You carried her inside your belly for months, how couldn't she?"  
And really, this time Eerika didn't start to scream. She grabbed Tarja's long hair, pulled and chuckled happily.  
Sharon laughed.  
"See? She likes you."  
"Oh Eerika..." Tarja whispered and stroke the baby's cheek. Then she beamed at Sharon. "I was so scared she'd never accept me as her mother again after you."  
"Well, after I'm gone she will have to," Sharon answered and Tarja's face fell.  
"You'll really go."  
"Yes," Sharon said but Tarja shook her head.  
"You can't! Not now!"  
"I have to, Tari." Sharon placed her hand on the Finn's shoulder. "I have a husband and two kids. I can't stay with you, even though I'd like to."  
Tarja was desperate. "No ... no ..."  
"Let's just enjoy these last weeks, alright?" Sharon smiled gently.  
And Tarja swallowed her tears and agreed.

It was hard for the two women not to act conspicuous.  
They tried not to smile, not to look at each other even. But everytime Tarja's eyes fell on Sharon, she blushed. She just couldn't forget last night. Sharon's gentle hand that was holding and caressing her breast until both of them had fallen asleep.  
Sharon was going through the same thing. She couldn't forget how the other woman's bosom had felt inside of her hand. She cursed herself. Why did she feel like this??

Sharon found Tarja inside of the library.  
She was standing next to the window, staring down at a piece of paper.  
The Dutch put back Pride And Prejudice and walked over to another section.  
Tarja didn't notice her.  
Sharon picked Sense And Sensibility as her next read. She had always loved Jane Austen's books.  
Tarja still didn't turn around, instead she sniffed.  
What was she reading?  
Sharon approached her carefully.  
Standing behind her, she gently touched the Finn's shoulder.  
"Tarja," she said and Tarja jumped slightly.  
"Oh. Hi ..."  
Sharon kissed her cheek, letting her hand run along the other woman's neck.  
"I've been looking for you everywhere. Aren't you tired?"  
Tarja nuzzled her cheek against Sharon's.  
"I am. Wanna go to bed?"  
"I want to. What are you reading?"  
Tarja lifted the letter up. "Tuomas' last letter to me."  
"Oh no," Sharon said quietly. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have disturbed you."  
"No, it's alright. I shouldn't read it anyway."  
Sharon took Tarja's hand. "Come with me," she whispered.

Sharon led Tarja to Tarja's room. She wanted to be alone with the Finn, completely alone.  
Inside the room, she closed the curtains and approached the young woman.  
Trailing her finger along her jawline, Sharon thought of what she had planned to do. If Tarja would be okay with this? So far she hadn't complained.  
Sharon stared into the green eyes. Tarja had worn a fitting green dress all day and suddenly Sharon noticed, that green was her new favourite colour. Just like those green eyes which were looking at her with so much trust.  
So Sharon inhaled and opened the green dress. Tarja stepped out of it and placed it on the bed end. Now she was only in her corset and underskirt.  
"Open my dress," Sharon mumbled and Tarja did. After removing her dress too, Sharon was wearing the same as Tarja.  
With a smile, the Dutch woman pulled the delicate body of Tarja close.  
Now her hands travelled lower, playing with the ribbons of Tarja's corset once again. And she opened it again.  
"This time you may open my corset too," Sharon said quietly and turned around. While Tarja opened it with her right hand, her left hand stroke Sharon's bare back.  
Sharon looked over her shoulder. "Are you okay?"  
"Sure," Tarja whispered back and removed Sharon's corset, didn't look at her though. Her eyes were everywhere but the older woman's body, then she turned around. "Undress me ..."  
Sharon pulled the corset over her head and let it fall.  
Tarja's back was so beautiful ... gently she pressed her own upper body against her back.  
Tarja could feel the warmth of Sharon's body and especially the softness of her breasts. She moaned quietly.  
Sharon circled her fragile figure with her arms and pulled her closer. Molded into Sharon's curvy body, they tumbled back and sat down on top of the bed.  
"And now?" Tarja asked lowly and turned her head to look at Sharon.  
"Just wait," she whispered. "Can you pull your underskirt down?"  
"Sure," Tarja answered quietly and did again what the older woman wanted her to do.  
She pulled down her underskirt ... and her drawers too. Sharon hadn't asked for that and now her heart rate fastened.  
Tarja wanted it too.  
Sharon's eyes were fixed on Tarja's buttocks. It was small because Tarja wasn't that curvy, but Sharon longed to squeeze her butt cheeks. But as she reached out to touch her, the other woman turned around, finally showing her whole beauty to the Dutch.  
"Wow," Sharon breathed and pulled her between her legs.  
"This is strange," Tarja whispered and giggled. "I've never shown myself to a woman ..."  
"Not even your maid?" Sharon asked.  
Tarja negated. "Not that fully. My maid knows me in my corset and drawers but that's all."  
"Wow," Sharon mumbled again and looked up to Tarja, who now lifted one of her legs and placed it on the bed. Sharon's eyes trailed down again and she swallowed. "I ... uh ..." suddenly she felt shy too. But still she placed her hand on Tarja's inner thigh and slowly traveller closer to her crotch.  
"Wait ... wait ..." Tarja suddenly said and pulled her leg back down. "Undress."  
Sharon grinned and removed her skirt and drawers as well. She noticed Tarja's look, finally she was looking at her. With a blush, but she didn't look away as before.  
"Your breasts are really big," she mumbled.  
"We already discussed this subject for many times," Sharon laughed and Tarja nodded.  
"Yes but - b-but can I touch them?"  
"Of course, why do you ask?" Sharon whispered and pulled the smaller woman into her lap.  
Their lips collided.  
Their upper bodies met.  
Tarja straddled Sharon and inserted her tongue deeply into Sharon's mouth. Her hands shot up and cupped Sharon's breasts. Other than her own, they weren't small enough to fit into one single hand. Tarja wasn't surprised, Sharon had been nursing three children so far. She was still nursing...  
Tarja pulled away. "Your bosom is so soft," she said shyly and bit her lip.  
"So is yours," Sharon replied gently and put her hands on Tarja's waist. Her entry was so close to hers ... slowly she let her right hand wander down, stroke over the younger woman's stomach, over her dark curls. Her hand vanished between the Finn's thighs now, feeling that the young woman was really wet already. Sharon looked up at her. Tarja's face was emotionless.  
"Can I?" Sharon whispered and Tarja nodded, closing her eyes.  
And Sharon parted the wet lips of Tarja's entry, making her index finger insert those warm and wet folds. Tarja breathed quietly. It had been some time since she had been intimate for the last time ... and same for Sharon.  
Then again, this was a first time for them both.  
Sharon pulled her finger out again and brought it up to her mouth. Never she had thought about kissing, licking, tasting another woman, but here she was, sucking the sticky wetness off her finger. It tasted better than she had thought...  
Tarja looked at her. "What now?" she asked shyly. And Sharon pressed her finger on the Finn's beautiful lips.  
"Just lean back and enjoy, okay?" she whispered and Tarja nodded, getting off of the Dutch woman. She placed herself on the bed and Sharon got up, hovering over her.  
"You're so gorgeous," she whispered and placed her hands on the other woman's shoulders.  
"Says you," Tarja replied quietly and watched the older woman's eyes travel down her body. She closed her eyes again as Sharon parted her legs and bent down to kiss the valley of her breasts. Travelled down with her lips now, kissing her marvellous white skin. She smiled as a moan escaped the other woman's lips. She just had to wait until Sharon had reached her destination ...  
And she did, she parted the slim legs of the small woman as wide as she could and kissed her entry. Her smell made her mind go dizzy, the silent "Sharon ..." of the younger woman made her go on. She caressed the small hips beneath her tipped the tip of her tongue inside the warm valley between Tarja legs.  
Tarja gasped quietly and moved under Sharon, causing the Dutch to grab her hips harder.  
"Wait," she whispered and inserted her tongue deeply.  
"Oh God ..." Tarja breathed and grabbed the blanket beneath her. "Oh my God, Sharon..."  
Sharon pulled away, licking her lips.  
"Mh... you know, I love the way you say my name ..."  
"Yeah?" Tarja smiled. "Sharon ... go on, Sharon."  
"My pleasure," Sharon whispered. "Everything for the princess." And again she licked over her entry, this time not inserting her tongue. She travelled the tip of her tongue along those wet lips, looking for a specific spot that would bring pleasure to the younger woman. And she found it, a swollen bundle of nerves, that showed Sharon how erected the young woman was.  
She circled her tongue around the spot, making Tarja gasp louder and louder. And Sharon inserted her finger again, one finger, two fingers. The woman's walls were tight around her fingers, so Sharon plunged them in and out carefully. She knew it had been a time for Tarja. But Tarja didn't sound any hurt or uncomfortable, sounds of pure pleasure escaped her lips.  
"Sharon ... oh Sharon ..." she gasped and Sharon pumped her fingers faster. How it would be to make her lose her mind? If she screamed out loudly? Sharon could only think of herself, she was a loud screamer. Robert was good in bed, he made her have an orgasm every time they were sleeping with each other. She had noticed what he did, of course, and that was exactly what she did with Tarja now. And it seemed to work.  
Sharon carefully inserted a third finger and Tarja whispered quietly.  
"Oh my ... Sharon, it hurts ..."  
"Just in the beginning," Sharon told her. "Until you get used to it again ..."  
"I know," Tarja breathed and leaned back. "Go on ..."  
Then she moaned something in Finnish that Sharon didn't understand.  
Instead she just pumped faster and sucked harder.  
Tarja blindly reached for something to hold on and grabbed the pillow next to her. She pressed it on her face and moaned into it loudly. Sharon didn't know if she had come already, so she went on. But as Tarja eventually came, she noticed it.  
Her walls clenched around Sharon and made it impossible to plunge on. So she pulled her fingers out and watched her with fascination. Tarja's eyes were rolled up and her mouth was wide open. She didn't scream but she was breathing fast and in a high pitched tone. Her inner thighs got flooded from the white juices dripping out and Sharon licked over her entry, licking her dry.  
"You taste so good," she let the younger woman know and hovered over her, cupped her face. "And you look so beautiful. So beautiful ..."  
"Sharon," Tarja whispered. "Sharon, sleep with me again ... be with me ..."  
"Yes, love," Sharon promised and placed herself down next to her.  
They fell asleep facing each other, holding each other's hands.


	6. Chapter 6

Sharon and Tarja started a secret affair.  
Every night they would sleep with each other, fall asleep in each other's arms. Sharon would wake up very early and sneak back into her room before everyone else woke up. During the day, the women would act as always, until the day dawned and they could vanish in Tarja's room again. Sharon had already totally forgotten about her duties and van Breven. She didn't care about her country anymore, all she cared about now was Tarja. Finally she knew why she had never been able to love Robert as she should love him: she had always waited for Tarja, for this sweet woman who would steal her heart like she had. And Tarja was confused as well, she still missed Tuomas madly and cried at his grave. But then there was this wonderful, beautiful older woman who seemed so surreal. Like an angel. So perfect. Who took care of her daughter, who had saved her for a depression, who spent nights cuddling with her, who did things to her that only Tuomas had done to her before. And for the first time she forgot Tuomas for a few hours. She simply didn't think of him anymore as Sharon's hands wandered up and down her own naked body, as her lips met the other lips, as their tongues melted together. It was so strange, strange and confusing.  
And forbidden.  
They were outside, it was deep in the night and they were taking a bath in the little pond in the garden. No one would see them here.  
She knew that her brothers would be furious if they knew what she was doing, but Tarja didn't care, she was the princess and she knew she could do everything she wanted to do. Her brothers would be furious but her father would eventually allow her to sleep with the nanny of his granddaughter. ... hopefully. If he would allow them to marry?  
She pulled back.  
"Its my birthday soon," she whispered and locked her eyes with the deep brown ones.  
"I know," Sharon whispered back and took a strand of Tarja's hair, tucking it behind her beautiful ear. She stroke her face. "Why are you telling me?"  
"Because I have a wish," Tarja whispered and wrapped her arms and legs around the older woman.  
"Everything for you," Sharon said lowly and placed her lips on Tarja's temple.   
"Stay with me," Tarja pleaded. "Raise Eerika with me."  
"Tarja, I'd love to. But I need to return home soon." Sharon's voice sounded sad.  
"But ... I will be unhappy again if you return," Tarja said and tears escaped her eyes. "You've helped me so much, if you leave now, I'll be depressed again and they will feed me with tablets again. Take me at least with you. As you've promised."  
"I know I promised to take you with me, but understand that I can't," Sharon said. "If I take you home with me, we can't be together."  
"I don't mind. I just need you around me!" Tarja grabbed Sharon's shoulders. "I love you, Sharon."  
Sharon's heart clenched. Yes, she loved the younger woman too. But if she told her, everything would be even more complicated.  
"Tarja," she whispered. "You know that we can't stay a couple?"  
"I know," Tarja said and buried her face in the nape of Sharon's neck. "I know but until you leave, I want to have you ... I want to be yours and you to be mine. I love you ..."  
Sharon knew that Tarja waited for her to say it as well but she couldn't. If she said it, there would be no going back.  
"Let's go inside," she just whispered and took Tarja's hand. "Hm? Rest a little?"  
Tarja was heartbroken. "Yes. Of course."  
Hand in hand they walked back. Quietly, as they both were naked and scared that they could wake someone. They didn't though, and when they reached Tarja's room, they quickly dried themselves and then went to bed.

The days passed and their secret relationship continued. Soon the day they had waited for had come: Tarja's birthday. The king had intended to give a big ball, couldn't do this though, due to the Dutch people beleaguring the town. So he could only invite some people from around, only the most important ones.  
"How did you even get into Kitee?" Toni suddenly asked as Teuvo told them those news.  
Sharon almost dropped her fork as the boy asked that.  
"What?" Sharon pretended as if she hadn't understood his question.  
"Yeah, true," Tarja said quietly. "How did you get past them?"  
"They didn't see me," Sharon said weakly.  
Everyone was staring at her.  
"Sharon, they knew that father was looking for a wet nurse," Toni said. "Why did they let you pass? They don't care about anything else than conquering Finland."  
"Maybe they aren't as heartless as you think!" Sharon suddenly said loudly. "Maybe they have a heart, perhaps they heard about what happened."  
"So they heard about Tuomas' death and decided that they would let someone in to take care of the princess' baby?" Toni shook his head. "That makes no sense."  
"I told you they didn't see me," Sharon said sharply. "And wait - are you saying that those people out there are coldhearted murderers?"  
"Well, yes, all those Dutch people are," Toni said coldly and Sharon's face paled.  
"Not ... all of them," she hissed, slammed her fork on her plate and ran into her room.  
"Sharon!" Tarja called after her and glared at Toni. "What was that??"  
"Ask her, she was the one to overreact," Toni replied and Tarja grabbed the babbling Eerika and followed the other woman.  
She caught her packing her stuff.  
"Sharon!" Tarja gasped.  
"I'm leaving. Your brother hates me, how would he ever accept what we have?"  
"He doesn't need to accept it," Tarja replied and placed her daughter on the floor. Eerika immediately started rolling around as she always did. "But he was right ... how did you get in?"  
"Tarja, do you trust me?" Sharon asked and Tarja's eyes went soft.  
"I trust you, Sharon. With my life."  
"Then let me tell you a secret," Sharon said. "I didn't come to Finland to become Eerika's wet nurse."  
"What? You didn't? But you told me -"  
"Yes, and I'm sorry I lied. I can't tell you why I'm here yet, but I'll tell you soon. Until then I need your trust. Okay?"  
Tarja nodded. "I trust you."  
Sharon took the young woman's hand. "I promise I'll tell you the truth soon, okay?"  
"Okay, but please don't leave."  
Tarja's face was filled with sadness and Sharon sighed.  
"I need to, Tarja, I need to. Really."  
"When?"  
"Tomorrow," Sharon decided and Tarja burst into tears.  
"No!" she screamed and threw herself into Sharon's arms. "No! Please don't. I love you, Sharon, I love you!"  
Sharon kissed the top of Tarja's head.  
"I'm sorry ..."  
Tarja sobbed into Sharon's chest. "Don't ... please stay ..."  
"Tarja," Sharon said gently and pushed her away. "I promise that we will see each other again."  
"And then you'll tell me your secret?"  
Sharon nodded.

And then the birthday party of the princess started and Tarja was wearing a majestic, yellow dress. Sharon felt as if she fell in love again. She couldn't leave. But she had to.  
She watched Tarja dancing with various people, Timo, Toni and Teuvo of course, and then there were some men who all looked as of they wanted to woo Tarja. If they only knew that Sharon had already wooed her ... without wanting it.  
Her heart clenched again. She couldn't go back to Robert and pretend to love him. She didn't. She didn't love him.  
Sharon took a deep breath and went outside.  
"Sorry," Tarja mumbled to Antti and quickly followed the woman. "Shonnie," she said gently. "Are you alright?"  
Sharon shook her head. "I'm going to leave tonight, Tari."  
Tarja wanted to protest again, but Sharon shut her up by pressing her lips on Tarja's. For minutes they kissed, gently, passionately and desperately. Until Sharon tasted salt on her lips. Slowly she pulled away. Not only Tarja was crying - she was crying as well.  
Sharon kissed her tears away. "I love you too," she said and Tarja smiled.  
"Then don't leave."  
Sharon kissed her again. "I have to. I can't stay longer, someone will eventually find out who I am."  
"Tell me!" Tarja demanded and Sharon hugged her tight.  
"I will," she promised.

At night, Sharon was saddling a horse.  
Tarja watched her from the window, she was wearing pants. It looked strange but somehow good. The Finn lifted Eerika out of her crib and put her into the baby sling around her chest. The girl was luckily sleeping. Then she took her bag, wrapped her coat around herself and went outside.  
She had already saddled the horse and it wasn't that hard to sit on it with baby and dress. She had done that many times already. She followed Sharon quietly; she didn't want to live without her.

Sharon first didn't notice her, of course. Until she heard that there was another horse behind her. She moaned and stopped her horse. The horse behind her came closer and soon she stood next to her.  
"You didn't really follow me," Sharon said quietly and Tarja reached over to take her hand.  
"I will follow you wherever you go."  
"Tarja - after you know about my secret, you will hate me."  
"How could I hate you?" Tarja replied gently.  
Sharon looked at her. For a long time. And then she sighed.  
"Okay. Follow me."  
Tarja did, happy that Sharon had finally agreed. But Sharon didn't ride to the woods that led out of Kitee. No one knew about those woods besides the people who lived in Kitee, and it was literally the only way for people to enter or leave the town safely. But Sharon rode directly to the exit of the town, even though Tarja had told her about those woods.  
"Sharon," Tarja whispered. "The Dutch soldiers ..."  
"I know," Sharon replied but didn't turn around.  
"Shonnie, they'll kill us."  
"No."  
Tarja was scared but it seemed as if Sharon wasn't. And only a few minutes later, Tarja knew why.  
"Sharon?" a manly voice said and Sharon told Tarja to be quiet.  
Before she replied something.  
Tarja felt betrayed all of a sudden - it was Dutch. Sharon was talking Dutch.  
"Its me, Stephan. I'm sorry I couldn't come earlier."  
"Sharon, we said we'd meet every Monday -" Stephan went quiet as he saw Tarja. "Is that her?"  
"Yes," Sharon said. "But I didn't bring her as a hostage."  
"You didn't??" Stephan asked in disbelief. "What is she then, your slave?"  
"My friend," Sharon said. "And I'll bring her to Holland."  
"Not really," Stephan laughed but Sharon's face didn't change. "Sharon! She's Finnish! She's the princess even!"  
"So if she's gone, the king will maybe give up," Sharon said. She knew Teuvo now and knew that he wouldn't do that, but right now she cared the most about Tarja. To bring her away from this country. Safely, of course.  
Tarja followed the dialogue, didn't understand a single word though. She only noticed that Sharon seemed to be pretty mighty, that soldier looked as if he was a little scared of the woman. The feeling of betrayal faded and love took over. Love for this wonderful, mighty but gentle woman. And a stone fell off her heart as the soldier allowed them to pass.  
"Now I know how you succeeded to enter," Tarja said after a few minutes of riding in silence.  
"Yes," Sharon whispered. "I'm sorry."  
"So ... you're not Swedish. You're Dutch."  
"Yes," Sharon said again. "Tarja, I'm so -"  
"What's your name?" Tarja interrupted her and Sharon smiled lightly.  
"Lady Sharon Janny den Adel Westerholt," Sharon replied and Tarja laughed quietly.  
"What a title."  
"So you're not mad at me?" Sharon asked scared and Tarja lifted her shoulders.  
"Tell me the whole story, Sharon. No secrets anymore. Don't leave anything out. I want to know every detail of why you really came here. And then I'll tell you if I'm mad or not."  
Sharon sent a prayer to heaven that Tarja would still love her after this, and started telling her the whole truth.


	7. Chapter 7

Tarja of course didn't stop loving Sharon. She was a little disappointed that Sharon had originally wanted to betray her, but on the first night after telling the truth, Sharon took Tarja's hand.  
"You are the only reason why I couldn't do it," she said gently. "I fell so much for you, betraying you would have killed me."  
"I love you so much, Shonnie," Tarja said with tears glistening in her eyes.  
Sharon smiled and leaned forward to kiss her lips. But suddenly Eerika started to scream.  
"Shhh, baby," Tarja mumbled and rocked her daughter on her arms. "Mommy is here. Both of them."  
Sharon had to smile.  
They had found a place for a night to sleep, the owner of the guesthouse had been sceptical, two women and a baby? But he didn't care about what they were and where they went. And why one of the women had a German-like accent.  
The next day they continued riding. Tarja was perplexed, as she had never really been outside of Kitee, perplexed about those uncountable lakes they came across. She knew that Finland had many lakes but this was astounding. She had never learned how many lakes there really were.  
"Tuomas didn't tell me much," Tarja said while they sat on the shore and ate their rations for the day. Eerika was sucking Sharon's bust. "He never talked about the country, I guess it reminded him too much of the war ... he was so quiet during the last months anyway. He had killed so many people and he felt so horrible about it."  
"He was a good man," Sharon said quietly and took Tarja's hand. "I'm sure he's in heaven now."  
"Yes, I hope," Tarja sniffed. "The last time he left, he told me that I was the only thing he was fighting for. He was fighting for coming back and be with me forever. And after he left again, I found out I was pregnant. I prayed every day, but then they carried him home ... I will never forget his face as he lay there. He ... he got shot. And he was smiling ..."  
"Maybe the last thing he thought of was you," Sharon said quietly and the young mother nodded.  
"He never knew he was a father ..."  
"Now he knows." Sharon reached for Tarja's hand. She loved this woman and would do everything to bring her man back from death. "And he loves you so much. He looks after you, that's why were still alive. He's your guardian angel."  
Tarja smiled lightly.  
For a while no one said a word, until Eerika pulled back and cooed happily.  
"You know what? We should make Eerika quit the breast feeding. If my kids or husband see that ... or my father! I don't want to explain this."  
"You're right," Tarja replied. "Let's make her stop."

But it was harder than they thought. Eerika couldn't let go of her food source and would scream whenever Tarja tried to feed her with normal, soft food.  
Sharon helped her, since she already had two children and knew how it worked.  
"Robin has been the same," she told the younger woman as she tried to feed the baby girl with matched potatoes. "It will be alright, you'll see. And tomorrow we'll be on a ship for a while, we will have some time to teach her that there are many good things to eat."  
The day they left the last guesthouse, Sharon dressed in a knight's uniform. Explaining that no one would let them on the ship without it, Tarja understood that she needed to accept Sharon's real self. She was a knight for the Dutch army. One of those people who had killed her husband.  
They continued the ride in silence. Of course it hadn't been unproblematic, Eerika didn't sleep all the time, she was hungry a lot and once she moved so much, that Tarja almost dropped her. They came closer to the shore after some hours and suddenly Sharon told Tarja to stop.  
"We have to agree on something," she said. "They will want to know who you are. So ... you're my maid." Sharon threw an apologetic look at her partner.  
"Oh, okay," Tarja simply replied. She knew why this had to be, she knew and understood it. Still a light pain crossed her chest - she would never be the princess again. No one could know who she really was, so no one would ever treat her like the princess again.  
But - maybe this was the best thing that could happen? Tarja had always wanted to become a singer, but since she was the princess, everyone had been forced to listen to her performances. Whether they liked her voice or not. This could be her chance to establish a career of her own, gain real fans ...  
She smiled at Sharon. "I love you," she whispered and Sharon's brown eyes went soft.  
"We need to think of a solution about this," she replied. "I don't know if we should even go back. Robert won't let me go again."  
"Maybe he accepts it," Tarja tried but Sharon shook her head.  
"I doubt it. No one will, my love. No one."  
"So let's stay a secret forever?" Tarja's eyes were filled with tears and Sharon looked at her with a pained face.  
"Yes ... I'm sorry."  
"No, it's okay. I get it."  
They reached the shore and Sharon jumped from her horse, walking over to one of the soldiers.  
"I'm going back home," she said and the soldier eyes her.  
"What's your status?"  
"Lady Sharon den Adel."  
"Lady den Adel! I'm sorry." The soldier bowed before her. "I didn't know you were even here. Have you been successful?"  
"I'd say I've been very successful," Sharon said. "See that dark haired woman with the baby? She's my maid. I'll take her with me and raise the baby as another soldier."  
"Who is she?" the soldier asked. "Someone special."  
'She is,' Sharon thought but shook her head. "She's no one."

They went onto the ship and brought their horses to the stables. Then Sharon looked for a place to them to sleep and found an empty cabin.  
"Lets stay here," Sharon decided and Tarja looked around. It was perfect, two beds, a little sink ...  
"Are we allowed to?" Tarja asked and Sharon looked at her.  
"Tari ... haven't you noticed before how influential I am?"  
"Sorry," Tarja mumbled and Sharon moved closer. She touched the other woman's cheek.  
"No problem. Just stay by my side and you won't suffer."  
"I will," Tarja said gently. "I will stay with you forever."  
"Good," Sharon said and leaned down to kiss Tarja's lips. "The ship will take off in the evening, until then I'll buy something down in the city. Please stay here."  
"What?" Tarja suddenly feared that Sharon wanted to leave her here. That she'd let her drive to the Netherlands and handed her over to the Dutch people. "No, please don't leave me here."  
"Love, please. Someone needs to stay in this cabin in case someone wants to take it."  
"Sharon, don't leave me here."   
"Are you scared that I'm going to leave?" Sharon asked. "Do you still think I could betray you?"  
Tarja was shaking. Gently she placed her baby on the bed and went to Sharon, grabbing her hands.  
"Yes. Yes, I'm scared that you could leave me alone now."  
"Don't you trust me?" Sharon asked.  
"I ... I do trust you, but ... I'm still scared."  
"My love, if you really love me, you will trust me enough to let me go now and stay here," Sharon said. "I understand that you're scared but I could never, ever betray you. Why do you think I would?" Sharon's eyes were filled with love. "I will come back, okay? I will come back. I will make it quick."  
"Sharon -"  
"My love," Sharon said and caressed Tarja's face. "I couldn't live without you anymore. Understand that I love you more than anything. Being apart from you hurts me too but soon we never have to part again. Just for a while now. I promise with my life, I will return to the love of my life. Please trust me."  
Tarja gave in. "I do," she whispered and the women kissed.  
"If someone comes in, just tell them my name. Lady Sharon den Adel. Must be enough."  
"Okay," Tarja whispered and kissed the Dutch again. "I love you."  
Sharon laughed quietly. "I'll be back very soon."

Tarja was still scared. A few minutes after Sharon's leave, Eerika woke up and wanted to eat. Tarja tried again to feed her with the blueberries they had found but Eerika just didn't want them.  
"Shh, don't cry," Tarja tried to calm the baby. "Please ... please don't cry, baby ..."  
And the door went open. An older man looked inside and said a wave of Dutch words. He didn't sound unfriendly, so Tarja smiled at him and shook her head. The man nodded and asked on.  
Tarja was scared. "Uh ... Lady... Lady Sharon den Adel..." she stuttered and the man's eyes grew wide. He let out another wave of Dutch and bowed before her. Tarja was relieved. Then the man pointed at Eerika.  
Tarja just nodded. "Eerika."  
"Eerika," the man repeated. "Fins?"  
That Tarja understood. She nodded again and the man's eyes grew wider. Then he mumbled something and vanished.  
Tarja was confused. Did he think now that the baby's father was Finnish? Maybe?  
Eerika had stopped crying as the man had come in and now she was cooing at her mother.  
"Oh, my love," Tarja whispered and trailed her index finger along this nose, which looked so much like Tuomas' nose ... "He would have loved you. I wish he had at least known that you are on your way ..."

Sharon returned an hour later. "I'm back, love," she said and placed the food she had bought on one of the beds. "How's Eerika?"  
"She ate the blueberries!" Tarja was beaming as she slung her arms around Sharon and kissed her. "I'm so happy you came back ..."  
"Wonderful. And of course!" Sharon chuckled. "And how's Eerika's beautiful mother?"  
"Sharon ... someone came in and wanted to talk to me."  
"Oh no, what happened? What did he say?"  
"I don't know, but I think he believes I'm Lady Sharon den Adel ... and that Eerika's father is Finnish."  
"Oh," Sharon mumbled. "Well, yes, he's right about that fact. Look what I got for you." She gave a passport to Tarja.  
"What is -" Tarja opened the passport. "Anneke van Duren? Do you want me to change my name?"  
"No. But you won't be able to enter Holland if they know you're Finnish. German - No problem, since we're going to Germany first. Swedish, Danish, no problem. But as soon if you say you're from Finland or Russia, they'll lock you away. So I went to someone who sells passports and well ... the real Anneke van Duren is already dead. You will need that if you travel around. Eerika doesn't need a passport yet. So officially you'll be Anneke from now on... But for me and my family you'll be Tarja, of course."  
"Oh my God," whispered Tarja. "So I need to learn Dutch?"  
"Well, yes. We're going to study during our journey."  
Tarja inhaled deeply. "Okay. I want to stay with you, so I will learn Dutch."  
"Oh, Tarja, I love you," Sharon whispered and cupped the Finn's face, kissing her deeply.

At eight in the evening the ship took off. At around nine the captain went through the cabins to greet everyone.  
"I'm Lady Sharon den Adel," Sharon introduced herself. "And that's my maid Anneke and her daughter Eerika."  
"Hello," the captain said and bowed before Sharon. "Feel like home. The ship will arrive in Germany in six days if everything's going by plan."  
"Thank you," Sharon replied and so did Tarja.  
The captain left again and Sharon lay down next to Tarja. Gently she kissed her shoulder.  
"We have five nights for ourselves now," she whispered. "So could you please put our daughter to bed? I want to claim you as mine ..."  
Tarja couldn't help but laugh.  
Our daughter.


	8. Chapter 8

They enjoyed their journey as they could. It was wonderful, just Tarja, Sharon and Eerika. Tarja prayed that Sharon would change her mind and never want to go back to her family.  
But it didn't seem as if Sharon would change her mind.  
She talked about her kids all the time and that she couldn't wait to see them again. After a while though, she also talked about her husband.  
"Do you think I should tell him that I don't love him anymore?" she asked as she caressed Tarja's naked side.  
"Mh... I don't know. He will want to know why."  
"And he deserves to know but - I just know he will kick us out. You, me and Eerika. And I can never see my kids again ..."  
"What would happen if he kicked us out?" Tarja asked carefully.  
"Well since he's very influential, he can indeed ban me from the Netherlands. But that's no problem, I have relatives in Germany. If he really kicks us, we'll visit them and build a life there."  
"If Tuomas could see me," Tarja chuckled.  "What would he say? That I'm together with a woman now ... and fleeing to the country we're fighting against."  
"Can I ask you something about him?" Sharon suddenly asked and Tarja nodded.  
"Sure, what is it about?"  
"It's ... it's about his death, actually. Did they tell you who killed him?"  
"They ... they told me it was a general ... colonel something. It's better that I don't know his name."  
"Colonel ... there are a few," Sharon said. Tarja was right, it was better she didn't know. "What would you do if you knew him?"  
"I'd... I'd kill him," Tarja whispered and Sharon looked at her.  
"I understand your pain but I think you should forgive him. He only did his job."  
"Sharon, what will you do if someone in Holland is going to hurt me?" Tarja asked and Sharon answered without thinking.  
"Kill him. But - that's something else."  
"How?" Tarja's eyes were emotionless.  
"That person wouldn't hurt you because it was his job."  
"What if it is? What if he's -"  
Sharon quickly shut her up with a kiss. "No one will hurt you in Holland, my love. I will protect you with my life. And forget what I said about forgiving him, you don't need to forgive him."  
"Thanks," Tarja said quietly. "I know I won't."  
Sharon suddenly felt really bad. She was bringing her love into a country whose army had killed her husband ... Oh, she'd make sure that Tarja only felt good there.

After six days, as promised, the ship hit the shore of a small German town.  
From there they rode to the next bigger city, a city called Greifswald. And from there, they took a train that went directly to Amsterdam.  
"How long?" Tarja wanted to know and Sharon shrugged.  
"Around two days. And then we're going to ride the rest of the journey. I don't live far away from Amsterdam."  
"Where?" Tarja asked gently.  
"A city called Hilversum."  
"Hilversum ..." Tarja repeated. "My new home."  
Tarja had learned enough dutch to make it through for the beginning and now it was time to show what she had learned. On the train they only talked Dutch, also to Eerika. They had also decided to change the little girl's name a bit - from Eerika to Erika. With simply one E. They would pretend as if Tarja and the girl were Swedish. Sharon had managed to hide her true nationality for months this way, so Tarja had decided to do the same. Her Nordic name wouldn't stand out so much if she said she was Nordic. Just not exactly the one country she belonged to ...  
Tarja looked out of the window, her eyes tearing up. She couldn't believe she denied her nationality like this. Moving from Finland, her beloved home, to a country of which inhabitants had killed her husband. And so many other warriors she knew from school.  
She looked up as a soft, warm hand reached for hers.  
"Everything will be fine," Sharon said.  
"No," Tarja replied. "I can't believe I did that. I fled from a wonderful home, a wonderful family -"  
"Oh please, they fed you with anxiety pills!" Sharon shouted. "And have you ever heard how Toni talked about you? He always called you insane. If you ask me, Tarja, they were ashamed of your break down."  
Tarja didn't answer. She knew that the Dutch woman was right ... Toni had always told her to get a grip, forget Tuomas and the fact that he had been killed. Concentrate on ruling ...  
"I never wanted to rule," Tarja said gently. "But Timo had already resigned, so I had to ... Toni always wanted to help me. Now he can be the new king."  
"Oh, he'll be a horrible king," Sharon said. "Why didn't you tell me though? Queen Tarja ..."  
Tarja smiled. "One day, Shonnie, you and I will return. And I'll make you my queen."  
For a while the two women smiled at each other, until Sharon's smile froze.   
"Tari... you do know that we can't tell a soul about this, don't you? Especially not Robert. He'll kick us out. And I need to see my children ..."  
Sharon's brown eyes were filled with sadness and Tarja nodded.  
"I know. Well, I hoped we didn't have to keep it a secret but deep inside I knew. It's okay, Sharon. At least I'll be with you. I don't care that your husband will be there too. And I know I will love Robin and Eva as I love my own baby. Robin, Eva and Erika. We'll be a family."  
"Speaking of family - we're going to tell everyone that you're my cousin." Sharon let her eyes sink. She hated to deny her love for this woman. But to her surprise Tarja laughed.  
"Cousin - that's way better than nanny. Or maid. So I'm your long lost cousin who's parents moved to Sweden with her as you and I were children?"  
"That's the idea," Sharon answered. "And about your husband -"  
"Thomas," Tarja interrupted. "He died of pneumonia and now only I and Erika are left."  
"Okay," Sharon said softly. She hated that she had to make Tarja lie.

Two days later they reached their destination Amsterdam on a rainy autumn day. It was a beautiful city and Tarja felt homesick for the first time. It was such a foreign country, such a foreign language, foreign cultures ...  
It was cold but not as cold as in Finland. There was no snow, only rain. They looked for a place to live for one night and thanks to Sharon's influences, they found something very quickly.  
"I've been to Amsterdam uncountable times before," Sharon told. "I know this city just as good as my home town."  
"That's great." Tarja tried to smile.

"Are you nervous?" Sharon asked during their dinner.  
"Huh?" Tarja looked confused. "Nervous?"  
"Of meeting my husband," Sharon answered and smiled lightly. "You haven't said a word for an hour and I think it's because you'll meet my husband tomorrow ..."  
"Nervous is not the word," Tarja moaned and rolled he eyes. "I'm in despair."  
Sharon sighed and nodded slowly. "Tari ... do you want to see the most wonderful spot in Amsterdam? Maybe this will bring you on other thoughts."  
Tarja shrugged. "You could try."

So she tried.  
They were walking up the cathedral, climbing the stairs at night. They had left Eerika back in their room, they wouldn't be gone for a long time.  
Sharon had been up there for countless times, here she had shared her first kiss with Robert, here she had told Robert she would marry him instead of running away. And here, in this cathedral, she had declared vows with Robert. The memory hurt.  
"It's beautiful," Tarja whispered as they had reached the top. Looking down at Amsterdam, which was lit by street lights only at night, she took the other woman's hand. "I don't want to leave."  
"We can't stay," Sharon said sadly, both meaning the cathedral and Amsterdam.  
"We should elope," Tarja suggested. "We could go back to Germany and start a new life. Or ..."  
"Tarja," Sharon interrupted her. "We can't. I need to go back, understand me."  
"I do!" Tarja shouted. "But you have to understand me too, I l-"  
Sharon silenced her with pressing her lips on hers. Tarja immediately gave in and kissed her back, desperately and passionately.  
Sharon tasted salt on her lips. Were the tears by her or by Tarja? Sharon didn't know but she also didn't care. She pulled her closer, kissed her with all her love. She knew it would be their last real kiss for quite a while.  
And their silent love making back in the hotel room would be the last love making for quite a while.

Next day's weather was just as Tarja's mood - cloudy, gray and rainy. Sharon tried to lighten her mood, smiled at her and touched her hand when they were alone, but Tarja didn't smile back once. She felt as if she was about to lose Sharon. Not in a way like she had lost Tuomas, but quite similar.  
She really didn't want to go to Hilversum, she really didn't want to meet Sharon's husband and children.  
She stared onto her horse's neck as they were riding, trying to concentrate on the road. Somehow she hoped they would get robbed or kidnapped. Sold as slaves, that would be better than meeting Sharon's husband. Of course only if they didn't get separated. A life without Sharon would be even worse than meeting Sharon's husband.  
But of course nothing happened, they reached Hilversum in the evening, well and healthy.  
"Here's my father's pharmacy," Sharon informed as they passed a nice looking house with the pharmacy sign on the door. "The house I've spent half my childhood in ..." Sharon smiled but Tarja couldn't reply the smile. The knot in her stomach became worse.  
"And that's the school. Maybe Eerika will go there one day?" Sharon went on as they passed the school.  
Tarja remained quiet.  
The closer they came to the suburbs of Hilversum, the sicker Tarja got. The houses got bigger, wealthier and more beautiful. And soon they reached the most wealthy of them all.  
The estate was big and beautiful, light yellow and surrounded by a big garden.  
The shield on the huge gate said Den Adel-Westerholt in big letters. Tarja felt like throwing up.  
"We're here," Sharon said and hopped off her horse. "I'll lead you inside, stay here."  
Tarja watched the older woman open the gate and get inside. Her heart was pounding and for a moment she thought of escaping, she really did. She just had to turn around and -  
"Who are you?"  
Tarja looked down. Looked into the cutest face she had ever seen.  
The girl had brown eyes, Sharon's eyes. Full lips, Sharon's lips. Dark hair. Like Sharon.  
"I'm Tarja," Tarja answered and added, "Who are you?", even though she already knew.  
"I'm Eva," Eva replied. "Are you the new nanny?"  
Tarja smiled. "No, sweetheart. I'm your mother's ... cousin."  
"What? You're my aunt?"  
"Kind of," Tarja laughed. "I'm waiting for you mother to come back and get me."  
"Yes, I'm waiting for my mother to come back as well," Eva said quietly. "It's not the same without her."  
And suddenly Tarja knew she had to stay.

Sharon entered the estate.  
She smiled at the maid, whose eyes grew wider and wider.  
"Hello, Irma."  
Irma rubbed her eyes. "Sh-Sharon?? Is that you??"  
"Yes," Sharon laughed and hugged her maid. "I'm back."  
"I can see that." Irma didn't sound all too happy.  
Sharon ignored it and walked deeper into the estate. There was a weird feeling inside her stomach, why hadn't Irma looked happy? Irma and her were friends!  
As Sharon reached the living room, she heard voices.  
"Will you ask her?"  
"Of course, I will, Gustaf. Soon."  
Sharon held her breath. Robert was talking to her father!  
"Don't you think Sharon will come back?"  
Sharon nodded.  
"I don't know." Sharon heard Robert let out a long sigh. "Don't you think she ran away from Holland? You know Sharon and you know that she never loved me. I'm sure she found someone new."  
Wow, Robert knew her pretty well.  
"I know my daughter, Robert," Gustaf replied. "She's faithful and honest. And strong. She'll come back.  
"Yes. In a few years. But then it will be too late." Robert let his voice sink and Sharon closed her eyes to hear him better. "I'll ask Irma to marry me."


	9. Chapter 9

Sharon burst inside the living room.  
"I'm back!" she screamed. Her father and her husband stared at her like she was a ghost. "I'm back."  
She was panting, her face was white, she was clenching her fists. But other than that she looked gorgeous, her hair was longer and curly. Her brown eyes were framed with mascara.  
"Shonnie!" Robert whispered and came closer. But Sharon backed away.  
"Don't you dare! What - what did I just hear?! You're dating the maid??"  
"I thought you were dead, baby," Robert said gently. "You never wrote a single letter."  
"Not even to us," Gustaf said. "Come here, Sharon."  
"No ... no! You don't even know what I've been going through ..." Sharon let her hand run through her hair. "I ... I kidnapped a Finnish woman and her daughter and you're here, wanting to marry our maid ..."  
"Not anymore, of course. Now that you're back, I -"  
"You're going to fire her," Sharon demanded.  
"What? Shonnie, we need a maid."  
"I have a maid for us. Now go and fire Irma, or I'll do it. And I won't be gentle."  
Robert went outside, he knew his wife too well.  
Gustaf sighed. "Sharon ... you need to understand. Don't tell me you didn't have a man up there."  
"I didn't," Sharon replied. It wasn't a lie. "Where are my children?"  
"Playing outside," Gustaf answered and Sharon gasped.  
"Outside? Tarja!" She put her bag on the table and stormed outside.

"That's my brother," Eva said as she came back, a dark haired boy behind her. Shyly he observed the pretty woman with the baby. "Say your name!"  
"I'm Robin," Robin said.  
"Hi, Robin, I'm Tarja," Tarja replied gently and looked up as she heard a scream.  
"Robin! Eva Luna!"  
The children looked at the woman who was running into their direction and squealed.  
"Mommy!"  
"Mother!"  
Tarja's heart melted as the two jumped into her lover's arms. Sharon was crying, hugging the children tight.   
"I missed you..."  
"We missed you too."  
"I saw you've already met your new maid," Sharon mumbled and Eva gasped.  
"What about Irma?"  
"She had to leave. I'm sorry, baby."  
"No, it's okay," Eva replied. "She liked daddy too much."  
Sharon smiled weakly and stood up. "Everything's alright, love," she said in Finnish. "Lets go inside."

Tarja immediately noticed that Robert didn't like her.  
He didn't speak to her, only looked at her with clear dislike in his eyes. Was it only because she was Finnish?  
Also she noticed that there was a tense atmosphere between Sharon and her husband, they didn't exactly act like they loved each other. Not at all. Tarja's heart ached, had Sharon told him about them?  
No, he wasn't exactly angry at Sharon, he seemed glad that she was back. Sharon was the one who glared at Robert all the time. Had Tarja missed something?  
They talked fast, Tarja only understood some words. In real from Finland. Cousin from Sweden. She's a singer. She can be maid.  
Tarja sat there and waited until they were done.  
They fought, at least Sharon seemed quite angry. She was waving her arms, at Tarja, at her children, at Eerika.  
"She can't stay," Robert hissed. "She's Finnish."  
"No one will know! I TOLD you, Rob, we're gonna say she's Swedish. And she's a wonderful singer, she can start a real career -"  
"And you? I don't want you to go back to army!"  
"I won't," Sharon said. "I'll take over my father's pharmacy."  
The couple stared at each other in a heated staring duel but Sharon won. Sharon always won.  
"But I don't want her to look after our children," Robert went on and Sharon laughed bitterly.  
"She definitely will, dear. And you know why her? Because she'd never be after you."  
"And you're sure about that?" Robert raised his eyebrows. "You've known me for years, ladies usually like me."  
Sharon smiled softly. Why, that would stay her and Tarja's little secret.

"How are you?"  
"I feel so foreign here ..."  
"It will be over soon enough. Sleep, tomorrow everything will look different."  
After midnight.  
Sharon had snuck into Tarja's room and was now spooning her. Tarja turned her head to look at the older woman.  
"Your husband doesn't like me."  
"Forget him. I'm glad I went away, this way I saw what a womanizer he really is. And I found you, so the luck was on my side."  
Tarja smiled. "Your children are wonderful, Shonnie. Eva is so smart and Robin is so cute ..."  
"I know, they're my everything. And at least they like you."  
"Yes. And they like Eerika."  
"Mhm..." Sharon kissed her lover's cheek. "I need to go back, sweetheart. Robert has a really light sleep."  
"I wish we could just tell him."  
"We should. He had an affair while I was gone, why am I not allowed to have one too?"  
"You know why," Tarja replied. "I'm a woman."  
"Yes, you are," Sharon mumbled and caressed her girlfriend's side.  
They had come so far. Sharon didn't want to give her up now, through telling her husband - or anyone else - about this fatal affair.  
Sharon snuck back to her husband's and her bedroom, her mind only with the Finnish woman back in the other bed.  
A fatal affair. Indeed...  
Sharon thought of a solution how to solve everything. But as she had already thought, it wasn't easy. Not easy, well, it became even worse and more and more unbearable ...  
But that's another story.


End file.
